The Loneliness of a True Friend
by Twinings
Summary: Remus Lupin mourns the loss of his dearest friends.
1. Loneliness

Disclaimer: I don't own anything you recognize. That's why it's here.

This is dedicated to Telyn, who rocks.

Chapter One: Loneliness

Alone in the dark underground room, the young man wept for friends lost, and for enemies found.

On the floor beside him was a somewhat crumpled photograph of five smiling teenagers. A tall, wiry boy with disheveled hair whispered something in the ear of a pretty redheaded girl, who laughed and playfully pushed him away. The mousy little boy sitting off to the left laughed along with them. And two more boys, one very dashing and the other decidedly less so, were having a mock swordfight with their wands.

Remus Lupin watched his younger self playing at war with Sirius Black.

Then he ripped the picture in half, separating his old friend from the rest of the group.

"How could you?" he asked the empty air.

"Remus? _Lumos_!" A bright light flooded the basement, but it wasn't bright enough to chase away all the shadows. "Remus, are you all right?" He didn't answer. He didn't have to. She knew exactly how he felt, just as easily as he knew who she was without having to look. She was Ophelia Dunworth, the girl who had taken that photo during their last year of school. She had been one of Lily's bridesmaids as well, and Remus had been her escort at the wedding. Sirius, the best man, had been paired with Lily's muggle sister, and poor Peter had gotten stuck with a woman named Tonks who had completely overshadowed him. They had both been wonderfully envious.

He suspected that Lily had been playing matchmaker when she'd paired them that way. He could almost hear her sweet voice.

"The best man has to walk with the maid of honor, and Sirius always has a girl for each arm, anyway. Who would she take to best? Not Peter. Oh, James, you know who would make the nicest couple? Ophelia and…"

"Remus?" The stairs creaked under Ophelia's feet. A moment later, he felt her arms go around his shoulders.

At her touch, he began to cry again, helplessly, like a child.

He hadn't cried like that since Hogwarts, since the night he had told his friends his deep, dark secret. Lily had been the one who held him then, while the boys had been awkward, giving him hopelessly comforting slaps on the shoulder and making their quick escapes. They never brought it up again, and never told anyone else that they had seen him cry. But they had come to him at the next full moon with very little fanfare, and from then on the wolf spent his nights running with the stag, the dog, and the rat.

James had tried to talk to him once, before they'd mastered the change, and ended up shaking his hand instead. Lily had just given him a friendly smile the next day, and Remus had fallen briefly in love with her for it.

"Oh, don't cry," Ophelia said, running her hands up and down his arms. "You're so cold." He laughed harshly.

"I guess I didn't notice. I usually don't, down here." The moving light of her wand briefly illuminated the thick chains in the far wall.

"I'm so sorry, Remus," she sighed into his hair.

"I just can't believe they're really gone."

"I know."

"And all at once. Peter, James, Lily…Sirius…" She had begun to cry as well. "How could he do it, Ophelia? How could any man do that? He was their dearest friend. They loved him. They trusted him! _We_ trusted him."

"I know."

"All these years…in all these years, I never saw. How could I not have seen him for what he really is?"


	2. Visiting Hours

He had to see. He had to see if his oldest living friend was still the same man he'd once been.

"You've only got ten minutes before your chocolate drop melts, and trust me, you do not want to still be inside when it's gone," said the Azkaban guard, a short wizard in a rumpled purple robe.

"I understand. I won't be long."

The guard opened the thick, vaultlike door, and Remus was overwhelmed by the chill terror of the Dementors. He put the enchanted chocolate in his mouth.

It helped, but couldn't completely negate the Dementors' despair, layered over his own natural grief.

_No happy people ever visit Azkaban_, he reflected. _There are always layers of sadness for them to build on._

He walked down the corridor with careful dignity, fighting the urge to run back for his wand, trying not to flinch when the Dementors passed too near.

From behind closed doors came the sounds of the prisoners—screaming, pleading, quiet sobbing, wild threats…There were others, he knew, who he couldn't hear. The ones who had fallen silent. Forever.

Only one door was open in that hallway. Remus walked into the room. A Dementor moved into the doorway, blocking his only exit.

"Expecto patronus," said Sirius Black, with the air of one who has repeated a prayer a thousand times and no longer has any hope that it will be answered.

"I'm not your Patronus."

"You made the Dementors go away." His voice cracked; his eyes were bright and opened just a little too wide.

"Sirius…"

"Remus." Sirius took a sudden step forward. Remus jumped back, almost into the Dementor's bony arms. "Remus, you can't be afraid of me…Are you?" Without speaking, Remus stepped sideways to get out of range of both the Dementor and Sirius. "I'm not a killer! You know me! You know I didn't kill them!" He lunged, fell, and ended up clutching at Remus's muggle suit. "Remus! You've got to believe me!"

"Liar!" He pushed him away. "Traitor! They saw you kill Peter and all those others! You as good as murdered Lily and James—and your own godson!"

"No!"

"Feeling guilty, Sirius? Wishing you could bring them back? Well, you can't. They're dead, Sirius. Dead! Do you understand that? They are dead because of you. And you don't even care, do you? You'll lie as much as you have to to get out of here, but you don't give a damn about the lives you've destroyed."

"I never meant—" He took another step toward Remus.

"You stay back." The temperature of the room dropped sharply. Remus turned to see the Dementor moving toward them.

Automatically, Remus put himself between the specter and his old friend, groping for the wand he had left with the guard.

The Dementor reached for Remus.

_What am I doing protecting him?_

"Remus, please, the boy? No one would tell me."

"He lived," he said tersely. Sirius sighed.

"Thank God."

At that, Remus felt a stab of guilt, but it was too late. He had already ducked under the Dementor's arm and out into the hall.

"Remus? Remus! You can't leave me here! _Please_!"

More Dementors converged on the open door, brushing past Remus as he ran for the exit.

"Expecto patronus! Expecto patronus! _Expecto patronus_!"


	3. Goodbyes

"It didn't go well, did it?" Ophelia asked. Remus sighed and took her hand.

"He seemed so adamant…I know everyone always claims to be innocent…but…he acted more like a scared kid than a remorseless killer. Do you think…could it be possible…"

"No! That murdering bastard is not your friend, Remus! How can you even think such a thing?"

"Because he _is_ my friend! I don't _want_ to leave Padfoot in that terrible place."

"_He killed Lily_!" Ophelia shouted. Remus pulled her close and held her while she cried for her best friend.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Let's not argue here, now. It's going to start soon." Sniffing, Ophelia nodded and let him lead her over to the folding chairs set up by the gravesite. They joined a group of people dressed in somber muggle-style clothes—James and Lily were being buried in a muggle cemetery, near the graves of Lily's parents. Later, at the funerals of Peter and the other wizards, the Potters would have a second memorial service, but there were some wizards in attendance at this one, too. Remus saw Minerva McGonagall and Albus Dumbledore in deep conversation—Dumbledore looked very peculiar in a navy blue suit. Rubeus Hagrid, crying into a handkerchief, was impossible to miss. There was Arthur Weasley, who had befriended Lily during his seventh year when she'd helped him with Muggle Studies. Two of his sons were playing with Andromeda Tonks's little girl. Even Severus Snape was there, looking as if he'd rather not be.

Remus scanned the crowd for Lily's sister and little Harry. They were nowhere to be found.

Remus had first met Petunia Evans at the Yule Ball—the last remaining tradition of the ancient Triwizard Tournament. After that year, even the ball had quietly disappeared.

It had been Remus's fifth year, and he had intended to ask Lily, even though by that time he'd begun to realize that she and James were interested in each other.

But Sirius had gotten to her first, and Lily had accepted. They went as "just friends."

As a prank, James had asked Professor McGonagall. When she politely turned him down, he declared that he'd rather go stag than take any other woman.

Peter had found a date, a first-year Hufflepuff who was so shy she had hardly said two words to anyone all year.

Remus had been resigned to going arm-in-arm with James until Lily had asked him to take her sister. She'd gotten special permission from the headmaster for her to come because the two of them had been fighting, and Lily wanted to show Petunia that the wizarding world was perfectly nice, not the frightful place she seemed to think it was.

When Remus first met Petunia, she struck him as generally all right, if a bit sour. She wasn't beautiful, but she was pretty enough in a pale green muggles' gown with her hair all done up. Of course, the witches outshone her, but Remus had been polite enough not to say so.

What an awful night that had been. Lily had spent most of the night dancing with James, and Peter's date had left early, so Sirius and Peter had nothing better to do than to torment Remus and his date. They couldn't even escape to the dance floor because neither of them were very good dancers, and the one time he'd tried the spell to let them dance on air, she'd screamed and demanded that he put her down.

By the time of the wedding, Petunia had developed from an awkward girl into a very unpleasant woman who had made an awful scene, and Remus had been glad that Sirius was the one who had to deal with her, although Remus probably would have dealt more kindly with her.

And now she wouldn't even come to her own sister's funeral. Even if she didn't care, she could have let Harry say goodbye to his parents.

The prayers were short, punctuated by quiet tears from the mourners. Remus's eyes were dry this time. He remembered them all: Lily, the first girl he'd ever loved. James, the only man worthy of her. Peter, who had always been so far behind, and had struggled so valiantly to keep up. Sirius…Sirius. He wasn't going to visit Sirius again.

The sound of dirt on the coffin lids was so…final. It was the end of everything.

Ophelia squeezed his hand. He hugged her.

"Let's go."

Go where? To the wizards' cemetery, to kneel at the grave that held Peter Pettigrew's finger, the only part of him that Sirius had left? To see the stones that didn't mark the final resting place of James and Lily Potter? To pay his respects to James's parents, killed by He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named when they wouldn't reveal where their son was hiding?

"I don't want to," he said out loud.

"Remus, come on." Together they walked away from the other people.

"Why won't you tell me?" he asked abruptly.

"What?"

"Whatever it is you've been wanting to tell me lately. You think this isn't the proper time. You don't want to hurt me. Please, Ophelia, just tell me. Are you leaving me?"

"I…I just feel like I'm going crazy, and I just can't do this anymore, Remus, I can't!"

"You can't keep taking care of a werewolf?"

"It's…not that," she lied. Remus kissed her cheek.

"I saw this coming a long time ago. You're a good person, Ophelia. Take care of yourself."

"But…Remus?"

He walked away.


	4. The End of Everything

His lack of an emotional response surprised him. Maybe a simple breakup was less significant next to all his other, greater losses. Maybe he was numb, unable to feel any more pain. Or maybe what he'd said to her was true. He'd always known that they wouldn't be together forever.

He put the thought out of his mind and rang the doorbell. Petunia Dursley answered.

"Hello," he began. "I don't know if you remember me, but I was a friend of your sister."

"Why can't you people just leave us alone? We've had quite enough visits today, thank you." She started to slam the door in his face.

"Wait a minute—who visited you?" he asked, frantic with visions of escaped Death Eaters coming for Harry.

"A lot of teachers from that school of yours." He relaxed.

"Listen, I don't mean to bother you. I just wanted to bring a little present for Harry." He held out an unwrapped package to her. She took it suspiciously. "Don't worry, there's nothing unusual about it. It's just an ordinary jack-in-the-box."

"I see…thank you." She shut the door.

Petunia Dursley went into the living room, where her son was playing with his new toys while her nephew watched from the playpen.

One of Dudley's new toys was a set of toy soldiers from Professors Dumbledore and McGonagall. The soldiers were enchanted to walk and talk, but only for Harry, and since Harry was never going to play with them, they would remain simple wooden dolls for the rest of their lives.

Dudley's other new plaything was a light-up baby toy that Petunia hadn't recognized as a sneak-o-scope, from a man she hadn't recognized as Severus Snape. She assumed that the toy was motion activated, since it kept lighting up and making strange noises whenever she or Vernon came near, until Dudley smashed it with a hammer.

Petunia set the jack-in-the-box on the floor in front of her son and turned the handle for him until the little man popped out.

Taped to the inside of the lid was a moving photograph that had been torn in half and spello-taped back together. In it were five teenagers playing together by a lake. Under each person was a banner proclaiming his or her name, although Remus Lupin's and Sirius Black's were moving rather fast and hard to read.

Petunia plucked the picture out distastefully and went to put it in the trash with the purple toad brought by that very tall man.

In her absence, Dudley pulled the clown off its spring and sat on the box, breaking it along with the spell Remus had put on it.

If Harry had ever been able to turn the handle, he would have been able to hear the last conversation his mother had ever had with one of her dearest friends.

"I guess you know we have to go away for a while."

"I'd heard."

"And I can't tell you…"

"I know, I know. Don't worry. I'll know you're safe as long as Sirius is your secret-keeper."

"Sirius? How did you know?"

"Who else would it be?"

"It always is Sirius, isn't it? Secret-keeper, best man, Harry's godfather…But I want it to be you next time."

"Next time?"

"I hope it's a girl. I think Harry would like a little sister, don't you?"

"You mean…"

"Oh, I'm not sure yet. But I hope so. Even in times like these, I hope…"

"Is that what you're going to name her, Hope?"

She laughs.

"Oh, Remus, no! Hope Potter? Hope and Harry?" They both laugh. A baby begins to cry. "Oh, we woke him up! Come here, Harry." She begins to sing. "Hush little baby, don't say a word, mama's going to buy you a mockingbird…" Harry's cries die down, and she hums the rest of the song.

"Maybe I should go."

"Oh, no. Don't leave me. Not until James gets here."

"I didn't mean I would leave you here alone."

"All right, Patronus. I'm going to feed Harry."

The jack-in-the-box enchantment wouldn't convey this, but they hug for some time.

"I'm really going to miss you."

"Goodbye, darling," she says with a laugh, and walks away with her son.


End file.
